and when she speaks
Friday, January 23, 2009
I am in love with James Morrison and his new song; Broken Strings.I reconnected with my past today; and walked down memory lane reading my old blog posts. The experiences that I've had since coming to Canada has done so much to me, and for me. I've grown up, so much. And explored a great deal about myself. Year 2008 was the year I really made a mark for myself in the things I did, the dreams I pursued and tried it out on my own ;)"What's the achievement that you're most proud of ?" the John Hopkins interviewer asked me."The fact that I've been able to carry my own since young. It's not my academic achievements that I'm most proud of, but the growth that I've experienced...the fact that I've been able to survive and adapt well into new environments with different values and cultures and done well in them. I've left home to study in Australia at 14, then left again for Canada and now, the United States, and I'm proud of how much I've learnt. I've learnt to stand up for myself, be independent and make my own decisions. I wanted to try and see if I could survive just about anywhere and I have done so and even, managed to carve a name for myself in each of my niches, and I'm most proud of that."
I have done some weird & wacky, some downright fun stuff, and some really fulfilling things in 2008:-
1. Braving riding a bike (yes I am terrified of cycling!), with a dear friend Harprit ;) I rode pillion on the bicycle with him in the gorgeous, scenic Point Pleasant Park up the hill and back down again. Obviously, I was screaming and holding on for dear life! But came back safely in one peace and actually had fun against the wind current ;)2. Well- this isn't exactly wacky but what the heck- (I r.a.r.e.l.y. cook ;P) Cooked a new recipe. Hau Jia (& Max) semi-forced me into cooking, because I was the only one who hadn't cooked in the group, apart from Wy-Men. So basically, it was a no-say decision. I had to cook for them, and boy-did I stress out ;) Cos they're all great cooks and I can only cook to save my life! I cooked Cashew Chicken (boleh tahan la...) with some constructive criticism which was greatly appreciated ;)3. Wore a skanky, outrageously immodest outfit for Halloween '08 in New York. Was co-erced into buying one. And so, I arrived at the scene as a red-haired French maid equipped with a duster ;) with dear Ai-Ping as my partner in crime.4. Found a mentor in one of my brilliant teachers in Cornell - New York Presbytarian Hospital who has agreed happily to guide me along my residency :) He's is an undeniably brilliant doctor and one with a big heart.5. Went to New York despite mummy worrying and voicing out her concerns for me. I knew nobody there til weeks before I arrived, thanks to the Malaysian community I found through facebook and google :) Of course, I know many people were concerned for me, worrying I would trust people naively and get myself into trouble... but I was always on guard and followed my sixth sense strongly. I went there knowing fully that after hearing two extremes of opinions about NYC, I had to explore this city and live in it for myself to know for certain. I had to give it a try, to satisfy my curiousity. Daddy said to me 'Sue, you're only young once. Go live in a big city - you've lived in enough small places ie Perth in Australia and Halifax in Nova Scotia.' He was right. I did it- and I had a blast. Now, mummy doesn't even worry and call all that often! (which I miss, surprisingly! Sometimes I even call her up and ask her why she doesn't call me... after I have travelled here and there! :p) The experience there itself taught me was possibly one of the best teachers of life lessons for me.6. Forged lasting friendships with a few close friends from my class, a few residents whom are some of my best buddies and who are always there to kick my butt, guide and motivate, non-medical friends who have been my biggest support group, especially during exams & stressful times, the people in hospitals whom I've worked with in New York, international friends (during my electives and interview trails) and my New York friends who's been so supportive and wonderful :) I've lost touch with a few, but have managed to stay close to most of my friends... *muacks*7. Achieved 99 for both my USMLEs. Step 1 and 2 CK :) 8. Learnt how to deal with dying patients and their families through Palliative Care. The main reason behind doing PC was more importantly, to learn how to deal with pain in cancer patients. I felt I needed it because should people close to me suffer from that, pain is the last thing I want them to have before they leave this world.9. Realised what I would like in a relationship and in a man. It's a compromised effort; and I won't jump into one, until I know I'm ready to commit and it's with someone whom I share that special chemistry with.10. Going all out to pursue my dreams and goals. And in being the best I can be when it comes to my professional responsibilities. Had a lot of fun working with the patients I've dealth with. You name it- hernia clinic where I got males to drop their pants everyday. STIs clinics where I basically burn off warts on penises or bums, crazy schizophrenics, downright depressed, manics, cute old foggies, strong and courageous patients...... 11. Learn how to deal gracefully and maturely with disappointment, rejection and harsh critics who sometimes just want to make your life miserable.12. Promised myself that I'll be the best doctor I can be, and that promise goes to someone close to my heart; ie to my dearest grandfather who passed away last year in June. I promise to never be jaded and lose the compassion within me. xoxoxoxo
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5:56 AM;;
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Someone paged me at 5pm today.I rushed to my beeping pager! This happened when I was at home.I then anxiously phoned the hospital... I have no phone, the friends I wanted to meet up only have my pager number to contact me. So this was important.No one picked it up. I phoned a friend to ask her how to page from the outside. And I then paged again that number. And twice; a woman picked up. And said that she had just passed by and only answered it as it was ringing...Then, I narrowed down who I thought it could have been.I phoned that person ;) Turns out my instincts were right. It was Rob. My favorite buddy resident.He picked me up and we went for Thai dinner after I had just finished a whole cup of dessert with three scoops of ice cream; which Max made! But I had wanted to meet Rob before I leave. He's one of my favorite buddies here.So we hung out- and ate lots!! Rob knows me too darn well; and how much I can eat. After all, when we were on cardiology, we would sneak in to conferences together for food *heheh* HOO BOY, this is embarrassing to reveal ;) Then, he teased me and said we'd go for dessert-ice cream. I poked him and said 'You're out to sabotage me!!' He said I'm so tiny... Hahaha... I told him that's why I like Canada and US so much cos I'm considered so small here ;)
He advised me on being careful before dating residents when I've just started my residency... and to know someone for more than months before starting out a relationship. It's so funny when he starts being serious, but I know he means well and is watching out for me.
I had such a great time with him. He parked his car outside the apartment and walked me - even though the car was like 2 feet away from the entrance cos he said he wanted to hug me. Aww...He gave me a tight squishy hug and said goodbye. I'll definitely miss the good times we had ;)
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9:10 AM;;
Auntie Fei Tze occasionally drops by on facebook to say HI and to ask how I'm doing, which is so so sweet of her =)I made a collage of my parents for their anniversary :) And I can't wait for them to see it :) Hence, the love quote in the previous post cos' I was going around searching for quotes on love and for anniversaries :) Today, Dr Kiberd looked at my ID tag after I presented my patient to him and he asked me, 'You're a med student?'I brimmed a big smile. 'Yes I am' =D He thought I was the resident :) I love how I am learning so much everyday; being so hands-on. Basically, taking on the role of a resident. It makes me feel useful, you know ;) to be actually doing something that people appreciate. I love the doctors that I'm working with as well =DI had one patient today who thanked me profusely and shook my hand. And shook it twice vigorously. And then, put his hand to his heart and repeatedly said 'Thank you, thank you'... He was so cute. When I asked him 'You have constipation? Diarrhea?' He answered 'Yes, yes' with a humongous smile- not really understanding what I said due to his poor command of English. LOL. And anther young 19 year old patient who is doing extremely well since her kidney transplant two weeks ago. It's so nice to see a young person get a second chance at life; with renewed zest and energy to pursue life. You can see how happy both her and her mum were; the smiles on their faces; the gratitude they feel, and the joy for the opportunity to be healthy and alive... I'll never know how she feels - but watching them sure left me feeling all warm and fuzzy :)I had another patient who is massively obese and his blood pressure has not been well-controlled, his sugar levels have been skyrocketing, his weight has gone up by 70 pounds in the last year. He's got congestive heart failure and has profound shortness of breath; even just walking to the bathroom. He's nearly blind and has hearing difficulties and he's only in his mid-50s. I put my hand on his shoulder and commended some of the positive aspects on the lab work but I knew that he would have to be told the blatant truth; that if he does not lose weight and start eating healthily; he would die in the next few years - from a stroke or a heart attack. I hate being the bad guy; but I want what's best for him. I know how hard it is. I myself struggle with food temptations ;) But this is already beyond control; this will determine his mortality. My doctor said to him 'We're chasing your tail here. We are fighting against each other. And I don't want that. We can give you all the medications to help you but it won't work if you start overeating those medications...I want you to have another 15 years down the road' and patted him... My patient laughed but I could see from his eyes, there was honest fear. and doubt if he has the strength to achieve that. and fear if he'll die soon if he does not.I felt for him. When my doctor was talking to someone else, I went to my patient and spoke to him, 'Mr.S, we'll be increasing your Lasix medication to help you breathe better. And you're going to start exercising more for us, ok?' and prior to my doctor coming in, I had been educating my dear patient. 'Mr. S, I know it's hard, but it's so important for you to be eating healthily. Losing weight can help your breathing and your energy levels and you'll feel so much better'...I emphasised on a diet that was low in salt, in calories and in sugar- for his diabetes control, blood pressure control and weight control. Over and over again, hoping that it'll drill in somehow.I guess he could see the effort I was putting. I was really trying. And hoping. At the end of our consultation, he shook my doctor's hand and touched me on my shoulder and smiled. I can only hope he'll give it a shot. And give himself that chance. Sometimes, all we need is a little bit of encouragement and support from someone to give us that little bit of confidence to know that we can do it. And you know what, I think everyone deserves that.
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4:54 AM;;
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4:20 AM;;
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on.
One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU...
The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....
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8:52 AM;;
Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow.
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6:47 AM;;
Monday, January 19, 2009
Badminton yesterday.Met up with Boon, Sin Ling, Sid and the new guy whom I call Jem for Jeremy ;)Turns out my badminton skills isn't that rusty after all ;)Though someone was right. All that jumping and using the wrong body parts for hitting the shuttlecock got me all sore today in my hips, my thighs and my arms -.- Turns out all the bubble of energy I had worked in favor for scoring in badminton together with my excellent partner ;) We all had LOTs of fun!
So now, we've all arranged for badminton to be our weekly Saturday noon activity :) *joy*
We had a mini IMU reunion with the juniors and had dinner in Gatsby later that night. Came home and ZiShan was entertainingly random. And Max made SUPPER *how to lose weight- I'm fighting a losing battle here* ;)He made extremely de-lish pasta and baked garlic bread! I couldn't resist... :)This morning, I met up with Hugo, for coffee. He brought my pictures for me and bought me a bag of Starbucks chocolate truffles for mistaking our coffee meet-up day, which was nice of him.Absolutely gorgeous pictures he took from Lake Como from his conference in Italy. Milan and Lake Como is definitely on my must visit places. The sceneries from the pictures he took were absolutely breathtaking. We caught The Wrestler and that movie was so moving. I caught a glimpse of the life of a wrestler, I used to think it was such a frivolous sport. But now I see there's more to it than that. For some of them, it's their only means of earning a living. Once their life span as a wrestler runs out, that usually means they have either been physically damaged by all the injuries or become too old for the sport to withstand all the physical abuse and the pain. It can be heartbreaking when they lose all that matters, in the end...Snowstorm warning tonight- 20cm of snow! Stay in and curl up :)
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7:59 AM;;
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2:27 AM;;
